The Sphinx

let’s leave this here

For a second I thought I could see through the sky all the way to the stars but in my daydream i saw that it was simply angels roaming amongst whispers of clouds reminding us to never forget the way in which the earth longs to feel bare feet massage her spine and the way in which the wind finds the purest joys dancing between the strands of our hair.  Guided by a sense of what is right in the world, I’m too fragile to be violent and so silence consumes me, consistantly focused on the idea that whatever you need…I don’t want to see you without it. inside myself is a place where I live but I’ve been trying to carve a little niche just for you where you can bury yourself within the warmth of my core while i do the same. nestling myself inbetween the bass drums echoing against your ribcage, providing something steady, unyielding, exactly what I needed.

ghosts.

you feel helpless. speaking to ghosts. outlines of spirits who never quite left but still manage to invade your memory. i often confuse stars for angels because the night is too long and i hate to be mislead so i spend insomniatic hours trying to decipher between the two. it’s a delusional comfort to get you through. it’s a mind trick for the conscious repression of our subconscious to overcome the benightedness. to mistake stars for angels. either way i feel obliged to point out that both aren’t here. i never touched a star that didn’t burn my hand. and the only time an angel wrapped its wings around me was when i was too close to danger for God’s liking. this is me talking to me. flipping through albums. there’s nothing quite as sobering as laughing with ghosts. wondering who’s going to remember your name. you feel hopeless.

i find you in the morning at the edge of time when nothing really matters. where fireflies swim through lukewarm lullabies casting shadows over iridescent dreams. and that place between sleep and awake, that’s where i’ll always wait for you. it’s rhythmatic the way we breathe…don’t want you to leave. just stay right here with me and live off my love buzz cuz when you’re in a good mood, it feels like the sun is shining in the middle of the night. but i realize nothing in this world belongs to me. with that revelation we should all understand that you’re never alone and that everything and everyone is love because of their simple temporality. which lives eternally in the memory of our senses.

nothing in this world is real. i’m convinced that when we have intense seconds of emotion that is a peek into what awaits us. we spontaneously tap into our unlimitlessness but there’s something more on the other side.  a variety that is as obese as the sky. and if we tried to indulge in that richness now our frail bodies would collapse in on ourselves. and that’s the true origin of stars. those who attempted to move beyond and find their place in the sky not realizing their feet were still chained to the ground. no one can be in two places at once. not even matchsticks that burst into light. they leave smoke in their wake as the flame has moved on to other shadows. and once the smell fades even that burst of light is just a memory into our illumination.

appetite

cradeling in my lap while thin fingers strum emitting acoustic sounds they vibrate off the walls of empty apartments because we like the chill wood floors on glistening skin to cool us down so far that our brown skin disappears into the grain & we sink into the world & soak up its riches until they overflow from our joined souls & we’re brought back to earth touching soil just in time to plant a kiss on my forehead & receive your goddess bare feet grow colder because everyone knows blood flows in other directions as fingers interlace through smoke towers of incense & i just cant share you with the village maybe i’m selfish thats why i glance in the mirror & stare at our reflection just to fool myself into having two of you & some how you have collected me & my essence.

an empty mind, what a sad state of affairs.

be careful. there comes a day when a person’s world can threaten to grow so wide that they can get lost in the midst of its insanity. drunk with the eloquence of eyes that saw the world for what it was without revealing its truths, she was a free spirit until the world tamed her and drained her of her wanderlust.  weak from grasping at fleeting moments filled with mediocre butterflies, that under white lights shown to be moths, she filled her days striving to be anything but absent within the legend she had built for herself.  the view from behind gilded bars was a beautiful torture. nightly she leaned against them with feet bound by truth seen through rose tinted glasses. chained to a hallow empitness, meanwhile shadows of her former heroes surround her, mystified.  honest horizons that remained just beyond the touch of her fingertips  kept her silent.  since the crowning of those realizations she’s carried the weight of three grown lives on her shoulders with her bones aching stapled against the bars of the cage she was confined to. while she searches for the key to release her, she flashes her legs to distract their hollow eyes from seeing her heartbeat because that is something she just could never stand to give away.

I can’t say with any honesty that i ever really left. Caught in the constant limbo of the duality that is me. How can I deny such a person? How can I deny me? With a full understanding of what it means to bear the name? To own this mind?  Continuously dancing around the realistic mentality, spinning out of reach of cold, harsh realities. They bite & burn me but those are minor lacerations to a resilient warrior intent on maintaining this angelic face.  I never let it fully capture me. & who could blame me for that reaction, when the dreams of romance are so much softer to dance on? Yet, the pieces of the puzzle need to be together to understand the logic of their frame. In a world such as this, all people are a Monet. So quite obviously the world makes sense from a 3 foot distance. But when we stand nose to nose, eyes so focused that the farthest i can see are the short black lashes framing deep eyes & the color the shadows cast as they wink protecting thoughts & silencing truths i’m left to trip on the thoughts forming behind my own. & so we remain silent. if only they had learned how to listen to the pauses. so for those who assumed to understand the tormenting freedom of the way i disappear into myself while i sit amongst you, don’t worry, i’m still there. i’m just never fully with you.

Her alchemy was much more complex, producing many other marvels.  by what fire did she transmute the substance of her life into the beauties of such moving power?  she demonstrated how true it is that all enchantment is madness induced with art.  but what was the real essence of this creature? was she aware of her continuous metamorphosis, or was she impenetrable to herself, excluded from her own mystery?

in your heart, on your mind

dreamers are the saviours of the world. through all of our euphoric visions humanity shall one day see & know that the world could be beautiful. despite the desire to nurture our own, we muses are wild, wretched things. you send your praises for the inspiration i bestow you & then are paralyzed by despair upon the realization that you could never own me & demand of me to be yours alone. reality garners emotion & those infectious things were drained from me whilst laying sun-drenched parallel to the sea. it was on those shores that my heart began a new rhythm, like wings attempting to fulfill your sole wish to fly. sinking into warm sand i lean forward, just gazing. you whispered to my neck that my face is like a dream. well keep dreaming, love. i won’t pinch you.  perched on the pedestal, the farthest we can go is the heavens. i push faith into your chest to step off the ladder & fall into the clouds that we’ve traced with silver linings. you often lay pure white lies inside my ear leaving a trail of satin kisses along my cheeks until you breathe hot moans into my mouth. spontaneous instants float in the universe that i ignore as you do the same realizing that there are no exits amongst circles. & it all makes sense. i once had ambitions to nurture these hoops but then the orchid petals kissed my collar bone & the wind wrapped itself around my wrist, pleading come & play. the breeze is black, the moon is full & i follow them both as they dance across my body, caressing my figure. simultaneously enjoying the sweet truths that fly around my light eyes while dark lashes interrupt the kiss between my lids & i know that i can only promise to visit your mind from time to time with the liberating understanding that i could never stay in your thoughts for too long because i cannot stray from my place, my home… the bottom of your heart.